


Two Lines

by moldistrawberri



Category: Purple Hyacinth (Webcomic)
Genre: 420 blaze it, 420 words, Crack, Cursed, Extreme Crack, LMAO, M/M, Mpreg, Ok bye, SO, also it’s 420 words, countertop, cursed as fuck, im sorry, it’s this thing called, i’m cursed, jury’s out on why i decided to do this, l o v e l y, lowkey hilarious, more merman, my brain is a wonderful place, no im not, not gonna spoil the fic here, nvm, unless you value your sanity then don’t, wait no the title spoils everything, you have to read it, you’re welcome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:40:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24559324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moldistrawberri/pseuds/moldistrawberri
Summary: Damn, Hermann really,reallyfucked up this time. And March wasn’t about to let him forget it.
Relationships: Hughes Hermann/Oliver March
Comments: 5
Kudos: 27





	Two Lines

**Author's Note:**

> so ive done a horrible thing  
> yeah im not going to elaborate good luck navigating this utter fuckery  
> beta read. kind of.

It was a beautiful day outside. Birds were singing, flowers were blooming, the 11th precinct was a mess.

 _On days like these,_ March thought, _people like Hermann should be burning in hell._

He couldn't believe this was happening to _him_ of all people.

After experiencing…certain suspicious symptoms that pointed to a condition he most _certainly_ could not have, he had decided to take _that test_ as a joke. He hadn’t expected it…to be not a joke after all. 

He'd refused to believe it at first. But after several more tests with the same outcome, and his recurring, very evident symptoms—well, denial can only take you so far. Such as the Mediterranean Sea. 

_Fuck._

_Why me?_

It must’ve been that time they’d gotten a bit too wild on the countertop— 

March shook his head, mentally beating the thoughts (and the… _ah_ …memory) of that incident out of his mind. There was something far more important to think about.

He could only draw one conclusion from this: _it was all. His. Fault._

He stalked up to Hermann’s office door, slamming the door open with a resounding _BANG._

“ _Hughes Hermann_ ,” he hissed, pointing at the pink stick in his hand. “ _LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE._ ”

“March?” Hermann looked up from his paperwork. “Wh—” His eyes widened when he saw the _thing_ in March’s hand.

“I—is that a _pregnancy test?_ ” He squinted. _Two lines._ “A—a _positive_ one? Oliver, if this is some joke—”

 _“THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON'T PULL OUT IN TIME!”_ March nearly screamed, flinging the pregnancy test at the wall. Unfortunately, it was made of plastic, and it didn't shatter dramatically as he'd hoped it would.

“B-but—” Hermann protested. His eyes had glazed over in the infamous Thousand Yard Stare as, absolutely horrified, he slowly processed this....new information. Ah yes, everlasting trauma. He deserved it, as _he’d_ gotten them into this. “Y-you're a m-”

“CLEARLY, it didn't matter!” March shot back. “Have you ever heard of the law of inverse fertility? _This is a crack fanfiction!_ The author can do _whatever the hell_ they want to us! YOU HAVE TO BE _CAREFUL_!”

“I—March—” Hermann’s face betrayed utter horror. Slowly, as if he were in a dream, he stumbled to the place where the pregnancy test lay abandoned on the floor, _please, this can’t be real—_

Oh, but it was. The test lay there on the carpet, two lines, taunting him.

The implications… _fuck._ Male pregnancy…

Shit, what if they were in an _Omegaverse_ fanfiction?

**Author's Note:**

> minor author insert,,,,i’m sorry. i—i’m actually sorry, nopleasehavemercy—  
>  _gurgle_  
>  look, I’m not sorry about the rest. what I’m more concerned (and impressed) about is the fact that you made it to the end. O_o
> 
> image creds: original by Sophism, edit by [Queen_BriarRose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queen_BriarRose)
> 
> [Purple Hyacinth on Webtoon](https://www.webtoons.com/en/mystery/purple-hyacinth/list?title_no=1621)  
> [Purple Hyacinth Official Discord](https://discord.gg/MRyCG3)


End file.
